Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
