I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
