all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
