It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
