Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
