wanna go halves on a baby?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
