am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My liver just had a heart attack.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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