oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
