I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Houston, we have a squirter
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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