I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
smell my finger.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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