im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
