i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
