Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
