Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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