my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
