But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
