Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
