So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
