She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
