Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Randomize
