I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
