What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
