finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
