Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
True college students do jello shots in the library
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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