you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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