Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
zippers are such a cool invention
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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