hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
