I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
