Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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