I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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