i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize