Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
