Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
