Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
