The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
