And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is it penis luge time yet?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
