I cannot find my penis.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
