i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
