She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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