i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What a dumb baby whore.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Boobs speak an international language.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
