I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
