Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
