Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I cannot find my penis.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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