Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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