I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
