she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
