True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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