Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
this hospital has no fireball
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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