Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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