The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
did you just send me my own nude
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
