So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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