I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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