Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
