im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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