when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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