If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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