Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
