oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
