she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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