im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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