Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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