God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize