I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
