Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
a search helicopter?!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
