I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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