so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
