Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
