Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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