She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
