You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
