dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
