I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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