I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
