Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
